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Archive for the ‘Shinhwa’ Category

The Snowy Night 
[신화 (Shinhwa), Winter Story 2007-2008. Its all the buzz and excitement amongst the official and unofficial Changjo. According to their fans, 신화 has this strange capability of making people happy. I respect this band for sticking through for almost ten years despite being six very different people. I might not always love their music (except for a good beat here and there boy bands tend to be too pop for me)…Javabeans says it best here. But I love their bond, their friendship (real or not, they do an admirable job of marketing it and demonstrating it), their individual talents and perseverance, their maturity and humility and devotion to their fan base despite their fame and fortune, and their obvious hard work as musicians and/or actors. And, ofcourse, they’re all gorgeous 😉  Fans are beginning to dread their army enlistment starting next year, but before they leave they plan to release more music as a group, put up some concerts for their fans in China, Japan and Korea, and delight their Changjo with bringing themselves and their personalities to variety shows. Here’s to the Legend.]

It was ICY today. Its treacherous. I think I almost slid fifteen times today. Its pretty scary. I don’t like such days…I love winter, I love snow, but ice makes my heart all jittery. Never liked ice skating either. If I were to psychoanalyze myself, I’d say its all connected with my fear of not being in control…I can’t stand it, I freak out. My boot slips a little and my heart jumps in my mouth…I might know that its not going to be that bad, its just a fall, I’ll get up and dust off and be fine…yet, that brief moment when I think I’m going to tumble is frightening. So I came home before dark and got warm…and decided to give a brief update before I went back to finals cramming 🙂

I had a couple blog posts simmering in my head for a while, and I’ve noted them down somewhere, but I never did get around to formulating them out. And here we are in finals week, and I leave for my trip on Saturday. It doesn’t seem real to me, at all. I think until I’m exchanging currency or actually in the flight I won’t believe it. Its too surreal–am I really graduating in 3 days? Done with one more step? Done with college? And am I really free? Am I going to two foreign countries that I’ve never stepped in before, for an actual, normal, vacation? A trip? All by myself? It just doesn’t seem possible.

Before I can find out if it is real, though, I have to work on finishing up: three heavy duty exams and one very, very heavy duty lab report…alongside the joy of editing/revising personal statements. Which I’m happy to do in any other condition, but right now is a little bit much, but hopefully I can help as much as I can. Personal statements are just so hard, and I want to help because I know how terribly hard they can be, and I want these x people to not let that PS negatively affect their chances. I’m a bit flattered too, and at the same time I get stressed because I don’t want to do a half-hearted task of giving them advice. When did I become an expert anyway? I still hate my personal statement, and it took my wayyy too long to get it down anyway. Ironic.

Apart from all this, this term has been wonderful. I’ve had some great times. We had some great dinners, some great shopping trips, many movies, many evenings watching House and Pushing Daisies, warm walks in the cold weather, deep conversations, delicious food and drinks (note how I mention food twice. Do I love food or what), some random trips and drives, some stay-inside-because-its-too-cold-outside cozy days, some just sitting around and enjoying each other days. A perfect mix…and a lot to fit into seven weeks. I’m excited because my favorite season is here: Christmas!! I love everything in this month: the weather, the smell in the air, the excitement, the magical-ness of it all. I don’t care how capitalist Christmas is purported to be, or how much others complain about how its all commercialized…for me, ALL my life, Christmas has been a beautiful time. Warm, cozy, smelling of cinnamon and cookies and cakes, running along the tracks of carols. I love it.

More than anything else this term, though, I’ve taken every possible moment to just immerse myself in the reality of now. Of realizing how fortunate I am to have what I have, for what is coming and trying to be really, really happy with that. And to focus on spending every moment I can and making all kinds of memories with these beyond-wonderful friends I have. As cheesy as it sounds, sometimes I have to re-evaluate and wonder: me, who always had the worst luck in friends and gave much and got nothing, how did I end up with such amazing people around me? Thinking of anyone of them makes me warm inside, and here in this place I’ve found enough friendship, love, loyalty and affection to make up for all those friends who didn’t look back. If’ I’d shut myself up and given up, I’d have none of them in my life, and thats a scary thought. I think I can look at each of my close friends and say, hey, I’m not a bad judge of people after all. I’m glad they’re all in my life.

And while I’m getting ready to leave this place soon, it doesn’t feel as sad as I thought it would. Its not heart-wrenching. Because the best gift this place gave me were these people: the opportunity to know them, to be their friend, to be loved and to love, to be taken care of and to take care, to make memories, to share laughter and anger and tears and everything else. And I’ll be taking it all with me, wherever I go. And somehow, I feel very sure somewhere inside, that I won’t be letting these people go either. We’ll always be threaded together in someway. And even if we lose touch, don’t talk for ages, get too busy in our lives, I’m pretty sure that the next time we meet it’ll be completely normal. It’ll be right how it should be, for each of these people who are so close to my heart. I’m very, very, sure. So I’m not sad. I’m a little sensitive and anxious, but not sad. 

Friends like these, bonds like these, don’t disintegrate into nothing…now we are mature, now we are adults, and now we know the reality and limits of relationships and life…and so we take what we got, keep what we were given, and believe that there will be more–and only as much–as what is meant to be.

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Is what i’ve been hearing all day. And feeling it. Its been a longgg day and week and this gigantic exam tomorrow is frightening me…..but I’m so tired…………….Still feeling strange hazy and listless and in no desire to use punctuation of any sort so should not be writing crap maybe hear my current favorite pump-up-and-do-it song continuously and maybe ill make it thru n score decently


 Throw my Fist, Shinhwa (from State of the Art, 8th Album)

“I’ll never give up my passion/Even though I fall down I put myself right back in/I throw my fist up cause anything is possible”

i can do this! *throws fist*

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