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Archive for February, 2008

Its been a while.

I always planned that when I’d have a really good stretch of time free (i.e, no college, no classes, no exams, no (or not too many) applications, no significant stress factors), I’d get all the other chores done. You know, that stuff you jot down for later? And that becomes even later? I figured graduating from college was a good point, and after my trip I was all geared up to get down and get things cleared up.

But vacation puts me in an ennui. Its like everything slows down, my motor and my mental skills. I can barely get myself off the bed, let alone try to complete and scratch off stuff from the many yellow post-its that decorate my laptop desktop. I guess it might be because this is my first nothing-to-do-at-all-nothing-to-worry-about vacation in a long, long time (probably my first since I was a kid), and it takes time to get used to it. I’m still on the procrastinating-college-student routine and I have to shake myself out of it so I can get everything done with before I leave for ze Motherland.

Ze Motherland!

Going back after eight years is all kinds of surreal. On one hand, its terribly exciting. Its like anticipating a giant present that you know will have all kinds of good things (and familiar sweet smells and sounds and tastes). You know there’s so much that you wanted all in that one gigantic present. And you just can’t wait to rip apart the wrapping and peek inside and revel in it. On the other hand, it has a sense of unreality attached, and something else that makes me anxious and nervous. Mostly because eight years is a long time. Its such a long time, and in that time the entire country has changed dramatically. Everything that I knew to be familiar, that I grew up with, that I was used to and loved has changed. People have changed. My roots, that had tightly hugged that ground, have grown weaker, the bonds I had with families and friends have loosened. I didn’t live the life that I had started there, and so I didn’t share the lives of the people who had been a part of that life eight years ago. For better or for worse (we’ll never know), my family and I transplanted ourselves, and circumstances did not allow me to return, even for a brief visit. In those eight years, I have become a different person from the child that left.

How will it be now? How will it be when I meet the family I held so close to my heart? Who I know love me so much, but whose physical affection I missed so much and longed for these eight years. How will it be when I meet those friends I held hands with as I skipped around the school? When I try to find my way around the city I grew up in? When I go back to the house I grew up in, now so lonely and cold without the bark of our dog and the smell of our family in it? When I try to relive the memories made in the 7 years I went to that school? How will it feel? How will everything have changed? Will I remember the nooks and crannies of that house? And of the school grounds? Will I recognize the streets? The smells? The sounds? The restaurants? The neighborhood store? Will it be joyous, painful, nostalgic, poignant, too difficult, wonderful?

How will I meet the people I have missed so much all these years? Will it be strange? Awkward? The distance insurmountable? Or will we in a minute traverse those eight years, so that it feels like the time never passed, the disconnect never happened, that it was always like this.  Will we laugh and cry and embrace, or will we be uncomfortable, shifting around till we find that place where it feels just right? I know the love and affection will be there, but how will it feel to be back there with everyone again, after the weight of the years and distance and age has been measured and exposed?

I won’t know till I get there.

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My post on Yoon Mi Rae probably gets the most hits on this blog (which is great, since it means more and more people are searching her out :)). I thought I’d post up a translation of the lyrics of 잊었니 (Did you forget) for anyone looking out for it. Its pretty much a tearful, sorrowful, break-up song. I enjoy her powerful and emotional singing and the music more than the lyrics themselves. 

I didn’t translate this (I wish my Korean was this good!); all credit goes to KBS World Radio. The host of the K-Pop Interactive show translates songs at the request of listeners, and these are available on the website. Explore this via http://rki.kbs.co.kr/english/radio/ and http://rki.kbs.co.kr/english/entertainment/enter_bbs_list.htm.

(KBS World has actually created a very impressive compilation of resources to reach out to the universal audience, and the radio shows are quite good, with some good hosting: many shows are broadcasted and in numerous languages, with great reception if listened to online (also broadcast in some states in the US). I’ve personally listened to some of the shows often and enjoyed them. Great for someone new to Korean music and culture :))

Thanks to DJ Sarah and the KBS World website for the translation and the romanization. So you can sing along when you’re feeling dramatic and/or broken hearted!

Here’s the song again. 잊었니, by ‘T’ (Yoon Mi Rae)

진실은 거짓이 되고 [Jinshireun geojishi dwego]
The truth has become lies
술은 눈물과 섞여 쓰라린 [sooreun noonmool-gwa sekkeo]
my tears mix with my drink sseurarin
마음 속을 태워 [nae ma-eum sogeul taewuo]
내려 가네 여전~~ [naeryeo ganae yeojeonhi]
burning my bitter heart as it goes down, like always
안에 웃던 그날~ 날에 멈춰 [Ni poom ane ootdeon geu nal Geu nare meomchuo]
I remain in the days when I laughed in your embrace
미소 지어~ 보는~ [miso jieo boneun nan]
I, who wore a smile on my face
내일이 되면 ~이라고~ [nae-ili dwemyeon ggoomirago]
will realize that it was a dream when tomorrow comes
오늘도~ 애써 잠들려 [oneuldo aesseo jamdeullyeo]
so today it’s hard for me to fall asleep
~ ~지만~ [Nan noon-eul gamjiman]
Though I close my eyes
눈물이 고인 가슴 속은 진실을 알려~
[noonmooli goin nae gaseum sogeun jinshireul allyeo]
as my tears well up, my heart tells me the truth
잊었니 우린 사랑했~~ [Ijeonni woorin saranghaetjanni]
Did you forget? Didn’t we love?
나만 사랑한단 우리의 ~~ 잊었니~ [Naman saranghandan woori-eh yaksogeul Ijeonni]
Did you forget the promise that you would love only me?
우린 행복했~~ [woorin haengbokhaetjanni]
Weren’t we happy?
없이 천천히 [Neo eobshi nan cheoncheonhi]
죽어 ~~ [joogeo ganeunde]
Without you, I’m dying slowly
~딨니 [Neon eodinni]
Where are you? Ooh ooh ohh
거짓은 ~실이 [Geojiseun jinshili dwae]
Lies become the truth
술은 눈물과 섞여~ [sooreun noonmoolgwa seokkeo]
my tears mix with my drink
맘속에 아픔을 질러 [Nae mamsoge apeumeul bool jilleo]
pain is setting my heart on fire
네게 기대려 ~~ [Nege gidaeryeo haedo]
Even if I try to lean on you
옆에 있진 않지만~ [Yeope neon itjin anchiman]
Even if you’re not by my side
내일이 되면 ~워주겠지 [Naeili dwemyeon neon nal ggaewuojoogetji]
When tomorrow comes you’ll wake me up, won’t you?
There’s just no more you and me
오늘도~ 기다리며 [oneuldo neol gidarimyeo]
Even today, as I wait for you
~ ~지만~ [nooneul gamjiman]
and close my eyes
눈물에 잠긴 가슴 속은 [noonmoole jamgin nae gaseum sogeun]
거짓을 알려~ [geojiseul allyeo]
flooded with tears, my heart tells me about the lies

벌써 사랑을 [Beolsseo ddan sarangeul]
찾아 간거니 [chaja gan-geoni]
Have you already gone to search for another love?
어떻게 없이 살아가 [Neon eoddeoke na oebshi saraga]
How can you live without me?
없이 살아지는데 [nan neo eobshi sarajinende]
When I’m fading away without you
영혼도 떠난대 [Nae younghondo nal ddeonandae]
Even my soul says it’s leaving me
해는 너무 빨리[Haeneun neomoo bballi]
오지만 [ddeo ojiman]
Though the sun rises so quickly,
너는 오지 않아 [neoneun oji ana]
you’re not coming
돌아와 제발 [Dorawa jebal]
Come back, please

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