Archive for February, 2007

Nani, I hope its beautiful and peaceful and joyful there. I know your life was long and full of all kinds of rich experiences–I wish I had been able to learn more of it–but if there were any dreams, desires, hopes that you had that were unfulfilled…I hope they are all coming true now. I love you and admire you so much–the woman, the wife, the mother, the daughter, the sister, the grandmother that you were. I’m proud that I’m your grand-daughter. I hope I have been a good one. Nani, rest in peace, because your children and their children are all doing well, they are all good people, and they are all grateful to you.

Picking flowers from the garden…reading the Chalisa with you…reading upanyas to you…playing cards with bhaiya and didis and you….coming by to show you my report card….singing bhajans to you…teasing you about Ma and Mama….feeling your soft hands on my cheek and tapping my back….

Nani, I love you. I won’t be sad because I know you are happier now. I’ll be happy because I’m fortunate to have you as my Nani. Thank you for your amazing daughter, thank you for everything.

Nani Maa…..

Haseen Pyaari Boli, Shahed Ke Jaise Meethi
Hai Naram Jaisi Ruhi….Nani Maa
Kahaniyaan Sunati, Pehliyaan Bujaati
Thapak Thapak Sulaati….Nani Maa
Tumhi Ho Meri Lori, Tumhi Meri Kahani
Tumhara Pyaar Bachpan Ki Ek Haseen Nishani
Tumhi Ne Di Thi Gudiya Jo Thi Meri Saheli
Tumhara Hi Tha Aangan Main Kal Thi Jis Mein Kheli
Tumhi Ne Tha Bataaya Hai Rang Kitne Sare
Tumhi Ne Tha Bataaya Hai Phool Kitne Pyaare
Tumhi Ne Tha Sikhaaya Badon Se Kaise Boloon
Tumhi Ne Tha Sikhaaya Dupatta Kaise Odhoon
Woh Pyaar Se Bulaati Woh Pyar Se Sikhaati
Woh Kuch Na Kuch Bataati Nani Maa
Tumhi Ne Mere Dil Mein Mohabbatein Hain Gholi
Tumhi Se To Suni Thi Jo Bolti Hoon Mein Boli
Tumhi Ne To Kaha Tha Jo Bolta Nain Hain
Hameshaa Yaad Rakhna Ke Zindagi Haseen Hain
Woh Har Subhah Jagaati Mithaayeya Khilaati
Hameshaa Muskuraati Nani Maa
Haseen Pyaari Boli Shahed Ke Jaise Meethi
Hai Naram Jaisi Ruhi Nani Maa

(Mahalakshmi Iyer, Moksha)


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So these are three exciting things in the last three days that I’ve done πŸ™‚ Who says joy isn’t in the little things? My life would be dreadful if I didn’t get all excited about the small parts of it!
**Books from 1485..Newton’s Principia from 1765….Dickens collection (actual first editions and letters….all in my hand on Tuesday! Wow…why have i not been to the Archives before? I’m definitely going again and taking people there. The Farmer’s Almanac and Catholic text from the late 1400s in pristine condition…I was touching the paper and I felt like I was being transported back in time. Newton’s Calculus text…Mr. Rimar would have cried. Dickens books…in installments and the first edition bound copies, with real-gold gilded edges. I can’t believe how AWESOME it was. Other universities don’t let you in to see such antiques unless you bring three letters of reference and wear gloves and what not, but I’m so glad that this school realizes that this is our heritage too, and we should be allowed to explore it (though very carefully). I was sitting and touching the illustrations on Dickens’ Our Mutual Friend, and I literally felt like crying, from joy, because I was so awed with this, our human past, all in this room. EXHILARATING!
**Observing a Craniofacial surgeon at work….my first day left me exhausted and with a migraine, but I had an amazing experience. I so want to be there…in the hospitals, in a white coat, complaining yet enjoying it, talking to patients and giving them hope and reassurance that everything will be okay. I want to be the person they look at with trust, and I hope I’ll be liked like Dr. **. She is such a great doctor, and she’s confident, capable, yet she has no giant ego problem. I loved shadowing her, and she told me everything that was going on, and explained it well. I can’t wait till next week!
**And finally, chocolate…maybe 1-2 times a year I’ll have a genuine craving for chocolate, which I can’t eat more that a bite of otherwise (even my favorite kinds seem too sweet). But this craving (usually follows a re-reading of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ;)) is the type where I can eat a whole bar in one sitting! Yes, that is a record for me. Today I walked into honey farms to buy milk and also bought 3 hershey’s with almonds (one of my favs) for no reason (haven’t been reading Charlie) and consumed half of one. It was so good! And it was raining/snowing! And I have no idea why that’s exciting. Lets just say it is πŸ˜›
Anyway, when I want that chocolate bar and want to eat it whole, I give in. Everyone should do that. A couple times a year do something completely simple and silly just because its yummy. And I never ever think of calories or fat or all that mess for that one give-in. Never, ever since I was 13 and World’s Finest Chocolates used to be my yearly quota! You might feel guilty for those Friday night binges, or those Cheetos or that cup of dunkin donuts chai, but never for this little celebration of random goodness πŸ™‚ Thats my rule!

And that is the end of this wonderful discourse on 3 exciting things in 3 days. What little things made you glad this week??

PS: The rain’s turning to light snow! πŸ™‚ I’m so taking a walk later!

What I’m listening to: Jeol Baneh Sarang, Gi Hoo, from She is Nineteen. (Reminds me of Jung DaBin. R.I.P., JDB.)

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Before I leave for now….this is to my mother and father, undoubtledly amazing parents. I miss them every moment of every day, and I thought these words fit very well what I’d like to say if I had more time! My parents, my best friends, my idols, the people I respect and admire and adore most in this world. I can’t believe how blessed I am sometimes. Thanks for everything, always! πŸ™‚

***Butterfly***(Corinne Bailey Rae) In my mother’s house
There’s a photograph
Of a day gone past
Always makes me laugh
There’s a little girl
Wary of the world
She got much to learn
Get her fingers burned
An affinity
Between you and me
Cause we’re family
Said that I’d be fine
Give me all your time
And I left your side
Like a butterfly
**Shower me with your love
All of everyday
You make the red rose sun
Shine on me
Lift me up so high
Watch me fly away
Would you live your life
Like a butterfly

In my mother’s house
There was happiness
I wrapped my myself in it
Was my chrysalis
As my life unfolds
See a pattern through
Of you protecting me
And I protecting you
What was that you’d say
Make your own mistakes
And when you’re grown
Make sure that you remain the same
Now I realise
What was on your mind
When I left your side
Like a butter fly

**Shower me with your love
All of everyday
You make the red rose sun
Shine on me
Lift me up so high
Watch me fly away
Would you live your life
Like a butterfly

What I’m Listening to: Butterfly, ofcourse!

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Tablo,Β lead rapper of Epik High.Β 

Here’s a guy who followed his dreams and made it happen….its inspiring enough, and consider how brave he was to leave Stanford and struggle for years. He never knew if it would work out or not, and all odds were against him, but he kept trying and trying and trying. And he made it! Musicians have the most inspiring stories, don’t you think?
Music always speaks to me, makes me think it’ll all be okay. I have a song for every mood (more than one), and when I’m in that mood that song speaks straight to me, lifts me up or brings me down or makes me happy/angry/insecure/satisfied….no matter what, it gives me support, so I get what Tablo is saying. It gives me support to follow my own dreams, no matter how far they lie, and no matter how much I have to fight to get there. Aja Aja!

On a side note, David Choi is the new kid on the block and his voice/music is amazing. The singer/songwriter was recently signed by Warren Chappell (yup, huge label) and was featured on YouTube, where his music first started going out. Get on the wave, because this guy will get famous soon. I think he’s worked hard too, and he does have some great talent. http://www.myspace.com/davidchoimusic
Feb 19 was the one day for music downloads, and I got them! πŸ™‚

And Corinne Bailey Rae is quickly becoming one of my favorites. Breathtaking voice, and beautiful music. Calms me down and makes me smile. Check out this phenomenal performance by 3 of my favorites: John Legend, John Mayer, and Corinne Bailey Rae at the Grammys. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhJKSseiPXE

****Put Your Records On****
Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don’t need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.
Maybe sometimes, we’ve got it wrong, but it’s alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don’t you hesitate.

*Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You’re gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.
Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the roadside, (just relax, just relax)
Don’t you let those other boys fool you,
Got to love that afro hair do.
Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it’s alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don’t you think it’s strange?

*Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You’re gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.
‘Twas more than I could take, pity for pity’s sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don’t even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to.

*Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Oh, you’re gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

What I’m Listening To: Like a Star, Corinne Bailey Rae

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So you are one of the first (and probably the only) people to be invited to this thing, mainly because I really wanted to tell you these things and facebook is just not personal, is it? πŸ™‚ And its hard to say it well in person. And I think this is a good use for a blog: thanking you.

I really want to get my gratitude out to a couple of really cool people in my life, because of whom I’ve been able to survive this last week (literally). I’m so lucky you’re in my life, and I’m so grateful. This semester is hell and when everything seems to go wrong and I’m stunned by how much worse things can get, I realize just then how even the little things that you guys do are so meaningful and how they make everything better. I think thats why bad things happen, to teach you how important the people in your life are. The people who really care and love you, they do small little things to make you happy, to help you out, to just let you know they’re there, and it makes everything sunny. I’m still recovering from the week and still depressed to think of the horrible stuff to come in the weeks ahead, but I’m overwhelmed by the great friends i’ve made, and I’m too touched not to say anything.
This Wed-Fri was probably one of the worst days so far this year (note: so far!), and yet it was the best too because these people were my angels.

**P and M, you drove me around, listened to my whining (also on Tuesday night), let me crash at your place, and were generally too awesome to describe. I love you too much.

I missed you so much when you were in India, P! When I saw you Tuesday, I felt everything would be okay right away, because I knew you’d be there now! I hope you know you are so important to me and you always take care of me and give me the best advice. Remember when I cried on my birthday as soon as I saw you? Its because I get so relieved when I see you for some reason, you’re a good luck omen for me :), because you’re so calm and cheerful and everything just feels okay when you’re around!

M, I’ll miss you when you go away to grad school. I’m so glad we’ve become closer these past two years. You always make me smile, and your frank, cheerful demeanor is something I’ve learned a lot from. You are one really great person, and I hope you’ll always remember that…you deserve the best, always! πŸ™‚

**My roommates are the coolest in the world, thats pre-established, but its proven again and again.

O, you’ve been an absolute sweetheart. You listen to my rantings and tell me its going to be okay 100 times a day. Your optimism is just what I need and I’m so glad you’re around. You are too sweet, thanks for the chocolates and the note and the music gift card, you always know the right things to do! I love you and I’ll miss living with you so much. I’m so glad you’re happy and that great things are happening to you right now!! πŸ™‚

G, I miss you so much and i know if you’d been here you’d have made me laugh and made me a margarita to take the blues away. When I came home Monday (the beginning of this terrible week), the house was empty and cold and lonely because you weren’t there. You’re the sunshine in my life :). Soul sister, how did you know I needed to hear your voice when you called me Friday? When we part ways, I just know that we’ll still have that connection.

**K…what can I say?? I still remember the first time I saw you when we came to college, and I think about us today and I’m all warm inside because of this incredible woman who I can call my friend. You inspire me, encourage me, you’re one of my role models, you are so amazing that all I can do is be awed sometimes, and I’m really, truly not exaggerating. And your love and care adds so much to my life. This whole term you’ve been there in a thousand ways….and on Friday that note and chocolate felt so good. We talk about everything, I bitch at you about my life all the time, you cheer me up and you help me fix things. Girlfriend, I’d be lost this term without you. You are my own personal Superwoman. πŸ™‚

**A….I don’t know enough words (despite the english minor ;)) to describe what you mean to me. Best friend isn’t enough, because I’m sure no one else in the world has someone like you. You probably know me better than myself, and you’ve seen the worst parts of me…I’m amazed at how you can put up with me? Especially this term….I’ve been mean, rude, whiny, teary….even I’d leave me alone. And yet, you’re ALWAYS there. You’ve helped me in too many ways to count, you’ve made me smile, you’ve comforted and encouraged me, you’ve given me your shoulder to cry (actually, bawl) on. You already know how cool you are and how much you mean to me. My trust, my friendship, my love and my admiration is always with you, I hope I’ve been half as good a friend to you as you have been to me. I know that we’ll always be like this, and I’m so glad for that! =)

So, people, you have enriched my life by being in it. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for everything, in the past and in the future. I’m privileged to know you and to be considered a friend. If ever our paths diverge or if we for some reason lose touch and don’t speak for months at a time, I hope you remember this and realized that your presence means the world to someone, and that you were a true friend to a silly, overwhelmed little girl.

Now that I’ve spent more than an hour on this (but I believe it was well worth it), I’ll get back to work. Thanks for taking the time to read this very long post πŸ™‚ (a record right here).

Lots of Love,

PS: Also, let this be a warning: I’m sure I’ll get worse as this semester wears on and gets more and more overwhelming. I hope you’ll understand if I ever get bitchy….consider this letter an apology pre-written….forgive any rudeness or other trespasses I make, I really won’t mean any of it! It’ll just be the frustration and the exhaustion talking! So bear with me please in the coming months!!

PPS: Also this isn’t really an interesting blog, so I don’t think you’ll find much if you check back, (its not really a secret or anything). I just like to write some thoughts down because I’m too lazy to handwrite them. Nothing that’ll make me famous….yet ;). If I ever get inspired to write you a note again, I will duly inform you =P

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Aja Aja Fighting!!! Before I sign off, these amazingly boosting YOU-CAN-DO-IT lyrics.
So true…Lakshya tho har haal mein paana hai (You have to reach the Goal, no matter what)! Man, thats true! I just got to keep on believin’ πŸ™‚

Haan yehi rasta hai tera, tune ab jaana hai
Haan yehi sapna hai tera, tune pehchaana hai
Tujhe ab yeh dikhaana hai
Roke tujhko aandhiyaan ya zameen aur aasmaan
Paayega jo lakshya hai tera
Lakshya to har haal mein paana hai

Mushkil koi aa jaaye to, parbat koi takraaye to
Taaqat koi dikhlaaye to, toofaan koi mandlaaye to
Mushkil koi aa jaaye to, parbat koi takraaye to
(Barse chaahe ambar se aagLipte chaahe pairon se naag) – 2
Paayega jo lakshya hai tera
Lakshya to har haal mein paana hai

Himmat se jo koi chale, dharti hile kadmon tale
Kya dooriyaan kya faasle, manzil lage aake gale
Himmat se jo koi chale, dharti hile kadmon tale
(Tu chal yunhi ab subh-o-shaamRukna jhukna nahin tera kaam) – 2
Paayega jo lakshya hai tera
Lakshya to har haal mein paana hai

Haan yehi rasta hai tera, tune ab jaana hai
Haan yehi sapna hai tera, tune pehchaana hai
Tujhe ab yeh dikhaana hai

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Another week….

Its strange how quickly the weeks seem to pass when you have so much to do and when you’re so close to change. Its another weekend already. God. I’m not really sure how I feel about that yet. Maybe its a good thing, and maybe its frightening because I’m running out of time. Um…I donno.
I was quite productive this time around…comparatively. I’m still not sure how its going to work out trying to balance everything, but i really will try my best.
I’ve officially decided to retire from my baby for which i’ve worked my a** off for two years, completely devoted. I’m sad, but right now its not completely over since i’m still “technically” in charge. Next weekend will be a test for me. Can I really stand by and watch if it falls apart? I won’t do anything? I’m not sure. My stupid committment thing is too huge, but its getting in the way of the important things. I really need to prioritize, and I realized that seriously, getting into medical school would be really much nicer than making it work in a place where there’s no artery feeding it. The last success was a great, but I’d like to quietly leave there and close my eyes if its going to disintegrate, and cheer if its not. Thats just how this school is…but the world is changing and becoming more and more painful and shocking everyday…I’m hoping a new breed of students will realize how important it is to say “I am” and “I’ll fight” and “I won’t let my dignity be compromised by anything.” I hope.
Well, I tried, tried hard, worked hard, and thats the best I can do. Right? Its okay for me to stop now and say, I need to focus on the other parts of my life. Right?

I do wish so many things weren’t being affected by this hard process. I can’t go to NY for the rallies, which I really wanted to do this year bc its so close to May, and I’m going to the conference April end anyway so i cant take more time off. Ugh. Can’t go to Guatemala to an incredible women’s program which would have been unbelievable. That’s really heart breaking. A lot of other things.

By the end of the year though, if I have three letters to choose from, it’ll be all worth it. I just want to have a choice and get in. I need the choice.

What I’m listening to: Lakshya by Shankar Mahadevan

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