Bulla, Ki Jaana?

So I am sufficiently satisfied with my PS right now (emphasis on sufficiently, I could never, ever be completely satisfied in a billion years), to take it a little easy on myself (emphasis on little, the 31st is too close). Easy as in I thought I’d hover on to my blog and write something nice and non-MCAT.

And watch the ending of Grey’s, which let me tell you was pretty freaking shocking and unnerving. Left a lot of people unhappy. Not me so much, because I found out I didn’t care about it as much after all, especially in this state of mind, but netizens are going crazy over it. I really got more of it when it was a roomie activity that we could bond over I miss my roomies I was sad that the wedding didn’t work out, though, because we really thought they Christina and Burke really complemented each other in a nice way (we as in the AGO girls I hope you weren’t too disappointed, O!). Seriously, they were good together, but the rumor of Isiah leaving has been going around for a while so I guess this makes it happen. Sandra Oh I really like, she’s a great actress, the scene where she finally breaks down was pretty heart wrenching, even though I wasn’t feeling anything else, she did a good job of showing how broken she was that everything was just gone, just like that, in a couple hours. “I’m free” was a strange thing to say, but I liked the “Damn it.” Do we really all want to be free? I think as strong she was, I think a part of her was happy that she would be ‘tied’ down, so to speak, because she loved Burke. *Sighs* Sad. I also liked George, and I’m sad he failed the intern exam. It also scares me–so you basically have no other option than leaving? Wow. Intense. I missed the last couple eps, so I’m not sure who Lexi is but apparently its all the buzz. I think it’d be weird if they just started from scratch with new interns, I seriously don’t think that would work.

Its good to be home. Its unbelievable to be pampered by your parents and have no chores (since i’m working sooo hard ) and its good to be with my soul sister (even though I miss the other ones!). She’s the most inspiring individual in the world and I’m overstuffed with pride when I’m with her. She’s a strong one and she’ll make it through this, and I’m glad I can be a little help. I’m sure she’ll kick ass on this exam. Its good to chit-chat and gossip while we study, its not so bad with her around, otherwise I was simply miserable and not getting anything done.

It is still very overwhelming though–everything that I’ve worked for in my life and everything that is still to come all seems to be lying on a very precarious cliff this month. ALL in this month. That idea is a little (understatement) scary. Anyway, lets quickly move off topic, as fast as possible…..*stops thinking* *brain comments sarcastically: yeah, right!*

So another thanks is in order to everyone who’s been a lifesaver in giving me feedback on my PS copies. I’m so grateful. I wish I could name my first born child after all of you, but then I’d feel sorry for the kid with so many names. So I’ll just say: THANKS! You already know you rock my world. Everyone’s feedback has really, really been very helpful because I’ve got so many different perspectives.

All this deep introspection and literally vomitting my soul out to write this PS has led me to ask the eternal question again and again: Who am I after all? I can’t describe myself to a group of adcoms who’ve never met me in a 5300 character limit. I’m so much, and yet so little. I’m filled with complexities and yet can be so simple. I’m everything I love and everything I hate. How do you really tell someone who you are?

And that thought brings me to one of my favorite songs. Rabbi Shergill’s adaptation of the Sufi Saint Bulla Shah’s Kafi. I find Rabbi Shergill to be one of my generation’s best musical artistes. He is different, yet very earthy, very bold, and his music is exhilarating, pulsating and touching at the same time (I mean his debut album, Rabbi, I also like some of the tracks on his debut music director attempt-Delhi Heights). This song was all the crazy a couple years back, and I think it speaks a lot for the artist if he could bring a song from the 18th century and make it the talk of the town in the 21st century, with everybody looking up the lyrics. {***From the album Rabbi by Rabbi Shergill. Sample it on www.musicindiaonline.com***}

Bulla Ki Jaana Main Koun?

(Bulla! I know not what I am) 

Bulla ki Jaana main kaun
Bulla ki Jaana main kaun 

Na main moman² vich maseetan³
Na main vich kufar⁴ dian reetan⁵
Na main pakan⁶ vich paleetan⁷

(Nor am I the believer in mosque)
(Nor am I in the rituals of the infidel)
(Nor am I the pure in the impure)

Na main andar bed-kitiban⁸
Na main rehnda bhang-sharaban⁹
Na main rehnda mast-kharaban

(Nor am I inherent in the Vedas)
(Nor am I present in intoxicants)
(Nor am I lost nor the corrupt)

Na main shadi na gamnaki
Na main vich paleetan pakeen
Na main aabi na main khaki

(Nor am I union nor grief)
(Nor am I intrinsic in the pure/impure)
(Nor am I of the water nor of the land)

Na main aatish na main paun
Bulla ki Jaana main kaun

(Nor am I fire nor air)
(Bulla! I know not what I am)

Na main arabi na lahouri
Na main hindi shahar nagouri
Na hindu na turk pashouri

(Nor am I Arabic nor from Lahore)
(Nor am I the Indian City of Nagaur)
(Nor a Hindu nor a Peshawri turk)

Na main bhet mazhab da paya
Na main aadam-havva jaya
Na koi apna naam dharaya

(Nor did I create the difference of faith)
(Nor did I create Adam-Eve)
(Nor did I name myself)

Avval-akhar aap nu Jaana
Na koi duja hor pachhana
Maithon na koi har syana

(Beginning or end I know just the self)
(Do not acknowledge duality)
(There’s none wiser than I) 

Bulla ki Jaana main Kaun